It has happened.
Your fiery long-term relationship has gone kaput. It’s been a while, and although you don’t exactly like it, the feeling is becoming familiar, slowly. You’re basically in a mire of feelings: regrets, hurt, disappointment, and maybe a pinch (or a blazing pile) of hatred for your ex. Moving on can be hard to do, especially if the relationship was seemingly going well and the cut was rather abrupt. It’s like there was no mental preparation for the coming trauma. No signs, no warnings. Should you get comfortable and stay single a little longer, or should you lift your head and start scanning the horizon for a new partner? How long should you wait?
How to Know If You Are Not Ready for the Market
If you can go into a new relationship without any influence from your previous disaster, then you’re ready. The baggage from the last episode can affect your decision in two ways: either you dash into a new one to fill the void or you hesitate to let new people in because you’re more sceptical, suspicious and basically untrusting. This can be exacerbated if you were on the receiving end of an unfair breakup.
Here are 3 signs it’s too soon to be in a new relationship
1. You Hope to Make Your Ex Jealous
If your decision to get into a new relationship is motivated by the need to make your ex jealous then you would do well to stop where you stand. That’s simply because your new relationship will neither be about you nor your new partner, but about your ex. You have to be careful here. Chances are you know this is wrong so your mind will try to rationalise everything to hide the awful fact from your conscious mind. But what happens when the need to get back at your ex-subsides?
2. You’re in Love With Being in Love
It can be hard to live with the change. Suddenly there are no texts in the morning, the phone isn’t lighting up – at least it’s not his or her face on the screen when it does. It’s easy to want to fill this new void quickly, with anyone. That desire to fill the emotional gap left by your ex is a sign you are not ready for a new person in your life. The idea is to get to a point where you are okay with being by yourself. Let the new relationship stream from a place of love and not fear, the fear of being alone.
3. You’re Avoiding Feelings of Hurt
Anyone who’s ever had to breakup will attest to the pain, at least the honest ones will. Everyone feels the sting and it’s easy to want someone to cushion the shock. Like they errantly say, to forget about an ex just get a new partner. Once again it all comes down to the motivation behind your decision. In this ex you are trying to forget your ex, not that you want to experience what this prospect has to offer. You’re not in love with the new person, you’re merely running from your pain. But what happens when the pain subsides as it always does with time?
Are You Waiting Too Long?
One thing that’s likely to have happened after your breakup is that you now know what you want and what signs to watch out for. Your standards basically change. But could these changes be keeping you from getting into a new relationship?
Have You Become Overly Analytical?
In hopes of avoiding the ordeal you just went through, you might find yourself analysing everything, trying to look for the tiniest sign your prospective partner might be trouble. The problem is that if you are looking for things to be perfect, you will be searching forever. And let’s be honest: the crystal ball that tells you whether a relationship will work or not just doesn’t exist. Release yourself and just let
things happen.
things happen.
Every breakup, although painful, offers you a chance to know yourself better; what you want, what you can and cannot tolerate, and how to treat the other person better. Learn from your breakup, but do let it push you into, or keep you from experiencing love.
